For myself

I am writing this post basically to myself.  I want to remind myself how hard it is to breathe today, and how short of breathe I am and how crappy I feel and how much I hate it and how much I can't wait to just breathe and be normal and do everyday things again.  I want to be able to read this when I am up at night scared of having another transplant, scared of the process, scared of the waiting, the unbearable pain, and everything else.  I just need to remind myself how hard today is because it makes it harder to be scared.