Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Would you want to know?

I'm so sorry about my lack of posting! I've been feeling a little under the weather with a crazy sinus infection....UGH! And my lungs are declining I can feel it, so things are taking more effort, I am more tired, sleeping more etc.  I have a visit next Tuesday and I would not be surprised if I was back on the list within the next two months.  Last time I was there my doctor asked me a question that I wanted to ask you all - we were talking about certain scenarious and things that could happen and what would I want in these cases and one of the questions that came up was: if you were dying would you want to know? In other words if I was in multi organ failure and dying and pretty much sedated and not really with it should she wake me up to tell me I am dying.  Would you want to know? At first I was like Oh God No! Because when my mom was dying the last thing I would have EVER done was wake her up to tell her she was dying.  Never would I ever have done that.  But the more I thought about it, the more I wasn't really sure.  What do you think you would want?


  1. I have to say Natasha, thanks so much for being so open and willing to share your story. I can't imagine having to be faced with a question like that, and you are so strong and brave to a) be going through this and b) be willing to share it with the world (ok, the internet, but still).

    I have honestly never thought about it, even though I have had to deal with death in my family. But that's a really hard question to answer, and there is definitely no easy answer. I like to think that if one was in that state and had to be woken up in order to be told they were dying, that they might already be aware of that fact, on some level, and at that point would be making peace with their life and their experiences. But again, I haven't had to deal with death in the firsthand way that other people have. And also, every situation is different.

  2. Lindsey,

    Well thank you so much for taking the time to read my little blog here, and making the effort to comment, it really truly means a lot to me.

    I do think it's true that at that point on some level maybe you would already know you were dying. I guess the few reasons that had me thinking gosh maybe I would want to know is 1) maybe it would give me a little fight? or maybe not? 2) maybe it would in some way allow me to say goodbye, even if I couldn't really say it...

    But then again most of me thinks I wouldn't want to know and it might be kind of cruel to wake someone up to tell them that...

    You're right there is no easy answer...

  3. Oh wow. That's a heavy question. And it scares me that she asked you that. But I understand why she did. I don't think I'd want to be "woken up" to be told that. But on the other hand, I think I'd want to know as well. To know it was ok to let go. But if you're already peaceful, I wouldn't want to be told that. I'd just want to let go when it was time. It's a hard question though...

  4. wow is right... i am not sure how i feel about this either (totally) i agree that it may give u an extra push if u were still in the fighting stage, but to be woken up, i am pretty sure by then you would already know in your heart and just need to let go slowly on your own, or however it may go. i think its amazing that u share your story, and give so many people strength and if nothing else a different perspective on life. i cant believe that this is happening all over again, and i adore you as much as i did in middle school when you were first suffering, i just hope that you realize how strong you are, and how other people admire you in so many ways.